apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
