well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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