well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
