this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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