There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
