woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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