on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
