Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
