dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
