Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
