either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
