Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I came so hard my ears popped.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
