If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
