thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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