Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I have demons in me.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
