All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
