I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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