yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
