New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I think my moral compass just broke
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
