...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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