He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
