remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
