I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
