I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
