Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
