I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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