does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
