Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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