I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The adults are the big ones right?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
