Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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