I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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