She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
