i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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