I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
