TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
