I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
