Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
