I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
