So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
