Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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