My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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