clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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