Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
