i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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