The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
