apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
only if we run a train.
done.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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