my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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