I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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