my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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