apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
