I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
