Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
