i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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