i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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