oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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