You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
