how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
