I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
