the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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