My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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