So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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