He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
