not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Randomize