Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
