forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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