My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
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She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
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I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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