I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
