They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
