New invention idea: vibrating tampons
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My pussy is not your playground.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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