meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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