I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
