Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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