I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
