Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
