I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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