im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Randomize
