No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
