he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
