She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
